The Healthcare Dilemma: Tips for the Middling Through Generation

I read a lot of history and it is quite fascinating to see that in the Middle Ages people would die of illnesses and accidents that we can easily fix today. Childhood mortality was extremely high and people in their 50s were considered to be elderly. Over time health care has steadily improved and we are able to prolong life quite substantially with the right treatments. Unfortunately those treatments can come at quite a substantial cost. The question is – can we afford that cost?

Let’s think about where that money could come from. It could ideally come from health insurance. Many of us get this type of health insurance through our jobs but as contract and freelance employment becomes more common many of us will have to provide our own insurance. Also be aware that insurance will only cover part of the costs of procedures. Further, insurance may deny coverage for certain procedures. Your doctor may therefore recommend a course of action and insurance may deny coverage for it. Your choices are to pay for it yourself or do without.

If you don’t have insurance then your health care coverage will have to come from your personal resources. The sad fact is that one illness can wipe out even healthy bank and investment balances. I have heard for example, of one professional who had to sell his own house to pay for his wife’s medical expenses. Ironically he was a healthcare professional himself. Luckily he had a house but what now? Where does he live? I know of other cases where spouses and family members have been left quite destitute as a result of paying for health care. In some cases they are quite elderly themselves – what do they do now?

Without either health insurance or personal resources you are dependent on the state or the goodness of family, friends or well-wishers. These are clearly undependable sources. The state, especially in the Caribbean where I am writing, has limited resources and many demands on those resources. You may find yourself on a long waiting list for treatment or may not be able to get it at all. Friends and family do love you but they are likely to have their own financial challenges. A son or daughter may have to choose between caring for Mom’s cancer treatment or their child’s tertiary education. They may even be battling their own illnesses at the time and be unable to assist. Many family arguments stem from the decisions of one spouse to assist an ailing parent while the other one prefers to use the money otherwise. Arguments may also arise between siblings as one or more feel that others are not pulling their weight. In addition to the trauma of illness there is therefore the trauma of tension, stress, conflict and ill feeling in the family.

Enough of the depressing possibilities. What can we do?
First of all we can increase our health insurance as much as possible. Take out additional policies while you are relatively young to take advantage of lower premiums. If you know of good policies that your parents or older relatives may benefit from, suggest that they invest in them. If they lack resources consider whether it might be cheaper in the long run for you to pay the policies on their behalf to ensure that they have the coverage that they need.

Secondly, save and invest aggressively. Health care is more expensive than you think and you will need a good cushion. Again, try to assist your older family members in their own decision making and savings. Many of them will have their money in low yield savings accounts when there are safe alternatives that would provide them with much better interest rates.

Thirdly, manage your health as best as possible. There is lots of advice out there about what to do to prevent many of the lifestyle diseases. Follow that advice as well as you can and try to monitor the health of your older relatives as well as you can.

Finally, have a plan for your own health care. Deciding whether you want your family to prolong your life at all costs and committing that to writing will make it easier for all concerned. Yes – we can live longer but only if we can afford to.

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

The Five Fs of Balance for the Middling Through Generation

Those of us in the middling through generation have care of children and grandchildren at the same time that we may be caring for aging relatives. As we have noted before increased longevity means that we may have as many as six generations in a family alive at any one time! This is a huge blessing – Think what a great grandmother or great grandfather can pass onto a youngster! However there is little doubt that it can be stressful, particularly for women because we are often the primary caregivers. Add to that the fact that working women in their forties and fifties are most likely to be at the peak of their careers and therefore have more responsibility and more challenges. Burnout is highly possible as we try to juggle our various personal and professional roles.

I therefore found it very interesting when I read a recent article in Black Enterprise in which a doctor described her own discovery that she was living an unbalanced life. She mentioned the five fundamentals and her own journey to get them in balance. The five fundamentals (not necessarily in any particular order) are –
– Faith
– Fitness
– Food
– Fun
– Family

With those in mind here are some questions I am asking myself that you might find useful as well

– Faith: Am I losing touch with my faith because of pressures of time and obligations? Am I skipping services or events related to my faith for the same reason?

– Family: Am I spending quality time with family members, especially those for whom I am not a caregiver? Do we spend our time just talking about our obligations and exchanging basic information, or are we making time to enjoy one another’s company?

– Food – Am I skipping meals? Making unhealthy choices because of stress or pressure of time? Am I eating too much or too little?

– Fitness – Is my weight in the desired zone? Am I exercising regularly? Am I feeling good?

– Fun – Am I enjoying life or just going through it? Laughter is said to be the best medicine – Am I laughing enough? Am I skipping fun activities regularly because I am too tired or too busy?

As I look at my own list I realize that I need to be more balanced. However rather than make it too stressful to be balanced I am thinking of combining some things. For example I do work out regularly but it could be more fun! To add some fun I downloaded a couple of books to listen to on the elliptical (Yes, that’s my idea of fun! I love reading but don’t get time to do as much as I would like to). Similarly, I do like cooking but don’t do enough of it because of time pressures. I’m rethinking that aspect of my life because it is fun and would hit the food list because my own meals are always healthier than the prepackaged ones. I’m planning on fewer cans and boxes and more fresh stuff.

There are other choices that I’m going to have to make but as I looked at the fundamental five I had to fight my Type A tendency to do a list of twenty changes to start next week! That would be just too stressful so I picked one or two gradual changes to work on and then move onto the rest. How about you? What would your fundamental five checklist look like? Do your own check and make a few changes. Let’s fight burnout with everything that we’ve got – our life depends on it!

Unaccompanied Parents – Beyond the Wheelchair assistance

I travelled recently and came back exhausted – still recovering in fact. I reflected that as you get older traveling becomes more tiring. Part of it is the physical exhaustion of traveling but a lot of it is the complexity of modern travel. Since 9-11 the rules of airline travel have not only become more stringent but more variable. You travel today and there are one set of rules, you travel two months later and there are different rules. In one airport shoes must come off and laptops out, in another laptops may remain in and shoes can remain on. In one airport you can spend half an hour clearing immigration and in another it might be up to two hours. Flights can leave late and arrive late and connections may therefore be missed. Yes travel is stressful!

In my journeys I saw many seniors traveling and I couldn’t help wondering how difficult it must be for them. Many of us think that if we arrange for a wheelchair for mom and dad we have taken care of them. In reality however that is only a minor part of what they face. Moreover many will refuse a wheelchair because they are still mobile and don’t want to appear helpless. I saw many seniors confused as to exactly what to do and when to do it. The trip must have been quite a nightmare for them. So how can we make airline travel a little easier for them?

– Book travel with plenty of time for connections particularly if traveling through the US. Seniors will take longer to travel from the gate to immigration and to connecting gates. Do not make connection times too tight. If at all possible minimize the number of connections even if this means paying a bit more.

– Provide information in an easy to read form. Have you searched your boarding pass or itinerary for information and had to look a number of times until you found it? I have. Make it easier on your senior by writing or typing out the information clearly so that they can easily find it without having to do the search. You might for example write the flight number and destination, gate number if you have it, seat number, time of departure. Do the same for every connection. Do each connection on a separate piece of paper and attach them together.

– Complete immigration and customs forms if possible. If you can’t, then write out the information clearly preferably in the same order that they will be required to be completed on the form. Don’t forget the address of where they will be staying.

– Minimize the weight, particularly for carry on. Caribbean people overseas are always anxious to have delicacies from home but do not load elderly people with heavy carry ons. Pack what can go in checked luggage and pay for an extra bag if necessary. Perishables have to go in hand luggage but go easy on those too. Better a disappointed relative overseas than a damaged back for your grandma who will have to somehow get the loaded bag into the hold. Bear in mind that the senior may be buying rum in duty free so leave space for that.

– Invest in wheeled luggage. Yes there are still people with luggage without wheels! If possible get the four wheeled ones which go in every direction. They are very easy to handle. If possible get the ones that attach to one another or buy a clip on strap.

– Identify luggage so it is easy to recognize. I have seen many seniors anxiously looking for their luggage and hauling at bags only to find that it is the wrong one. Choose something that is distinct (not a red ribbon for example – too common), and use the same thing on their carry on so that they will remember it.

– Book an aisle seat so that they can make bathroom trips without having to climb over people

– Make sure that they have something to nibble on in case there is no time to eat between connections. Most airlines have stopped serving food except on really long flights so a sandwich or light snacks is a good idea, particularly if your senior is diabetic.

– Provide small bills for tipping on either end of travel

– Call whoever will be meeting your senior with updates of flight arrival and delays. Remind frequently late people to be on time!

– Suggest that your senior does a medical check up before travel. Ensure that they have enough medication for the trip and for their time overseas and ensure that this is packed in carry on and is easily accessible.

– Provide a cell phone with roaming if possible. Store telephone numbers for overseas and local contacts and have them written out as well.

– Update yourself on the likely rules and policies and brief your senior on them so that they won’t be a surprise.

– Suggest clothing that will minimize the amount of time and trouble at airport screening – For example, tell them that they may have to take off their shoes so that wearing stockings or socks is a good idea. If possible they should not wear belts or clunky jewelry that may set off alarms. Remind them that sweaters and jackets may have to come off and so on.

Traveling to be with frieda and family is a joy for seniors but getting there – not so much. Do your part to ease the stress of travel (for you and for them!)

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

How are we going to take care of your parents? Part 1

I saw this question as one of the questions that married couples should ask one another and it really resonated with me. Many of us are caring for parents and grandparents in their 80s, 90s and even some over 100. If you aren’t doing so yet you may well be. Women are usually primary caregivers so that means that they may end up involved in the care of their in laws as well as parents. So what does taking care mean? Let’s look at some scenarios:

Betty’s 92 year old mom nearly sets her house on fire because she forgot that she had left the stove on. Betty realizes that she cannot live alone any longer and wants to bring her to live with her and her husband Joe. Joe is vehemently opposed because he has a stressful job and doesn’t want anyone else in his personal home space. He wants Betty to consider a nursing home near their house. Years ago Betty had promised her mother that she would never put her in a home.

When Rick’s mother dies he invites his 76 year old father to move in with his family. Emily resents the invitation because her father in law is used to having someone wait on him hand and foot and will not even wash a dish or set the table. He also does not get along with their teenage children who he considers to be coarse and rude.

And
Debbie’s Mother has been in a nursing home ever since she fell and broke her hip at age 89. Her monthly fees had been paid for by her savings and investments but now five years later those are totally depleted. Debbie wants to use some of their joint savings to pay for the nursing home care. Her partner Roger disagrees arguing that the savings are for their children who are rapidly approaching college age.

Of course we could go on and on there are endless possibilities but you get the picture. Elderly parents may need to be taken care of physically or financially and sometimes partners or spouses may disagree with the type of care that is contemplated. Does Betty have to choose between her husband’s need for privacy and her promise to her mother? Does Rick need to choose between his difficult father and his wife? What about Debbie? – Does she choose her mom’s wellbeing over her children’s education? The answer is going to be difficult and different in every situation. The difficulty however is that many of the decisions are being made in a hurry.

For example Betty is now confronting the fact that her husband’s needs may conflict with her promise to her mother. She has known of her promise to her mother for years and she’s known her husband’s personality and preferences for a long time. Waiting until the moment of crisis is going to make things very difficult. Similarly Debbie has probably been monitoring her mother’s declining savings for some time and has not acted until they are totally depleted. At this point there are few options.

Ideally couples should discuss the issue of caring for their older relatives sooner rather than later. This would allow for a full discussion of options. For example Betty promised no nursing home but there are other possibilities such as having a live in caregiver. If she had contemplated her husband’s needs earlier perhaps she would have considered all the various scenarios. Perhaps Rick and Emily should have discussed this issue years earlier as a ‘what if’ scenario.

These decisions are hard and inevitably someone’s life is disrupted or inconvenienced. The goal is to get to a decision that minimizes unhappiness or disruption and getting there takes time and effort. In some cases it may take professional support and mediation. Our loved ones don’t want to be a burden and they don’t want to ruin our lives. There is a workable solution out there so take the time to find it.

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

Five New Year’s Resolutions for You and Yours!

The year is almost over and what a year it has been for the Caribbean! As I write this one of the Caribbean’s strongest economies is in big trouble because of a major downshift in its tourist arrivals. It is even considering devaluation – something that it has always tried to avoid. Other countries have also faced declining tourism numbers, declining sales in overseas markets and in some cases natural disasters that have strained the public purse. Governments are doing what governments do to balance their books – raising taxes and cutting jobs.

So what does that mean for us who are in the middling through generation? It means that we can expect that things may get worse before they get better. If you are on a fixed income this can be devastating as your purchasing power declines and you have no way of supplementing it. If you are close to retirement age pay attention because you may be in for a rude awakening. Another Caribbean country recently concluded a pension reform exercise that means that pension is calculated on the last five years of earnings rather than the last pay check. For some people that pulls down the amount on which their pension is calculated and a lower pension is the unfortunate result. Of course some people will lose their jobs and be forced into earlier than desired retirement.

In this last blog for 2013 I want us to look forward and make some resolutions for ourselves and our loved seniors that will help us through this economic storm: First, the seniors:

1. Resolve to openly talk about finances. Many of our seniors are very proud and don’t want to burden us with their problems. Unfortunately that may mean that they make wrong decisions or do without. It is hard but try to find the courage to ask about their finances and sit with them to discuss their options.
2. Resolve to ask other family members to assist. Many of us have become the defacto caregivers of our older relatives while other family members are happy to leave the responsibility to us. Again, try to find the courage to demand that they assist whether with finances or in practical ways. Read other columns for some strategies that you might use
3. Resolve to spend more time with them. Money is important but time is even more important. Simply spending time with family members can improve their state of well being and health in immeasurable ways. Guess what – lower health care bills! Also, when we spend more time with them it becomes easier to raise those sensitive issues.
4. Resolve to act quickly. The longer we wait to intervene with health or financial concerns the worse they get. Moving money around, selling assets, downsizing and so on can help to resolve financial crises and the earlier the better.
5. Resolve to trust your instincts. We often see little signs of decline, neglect, lack or even abuse and talk ourselves out of believing them. Follow through to test what you think you see and know because our instincts are often correct.

Now it’s our turn:

1. Resolve to save more this year. It will be hard with costs rising but it is critical. If you’re not disciplined, take it off the top through salary deductions. If you don’t have it, you can’t spend it.
2. Resolve to buy less. Many of us have enough stuff now so we can go into cruise control when it comes to clothes, furniture, electronics etc.
3. Resolve to take better care of your finances. Move your money to where it earns the most (safely of course!), consolidate where necessary, buy or sell shares and so on. It’s a good time to sit with a financial advisor and get some professional advice.
4. Resolve to simplify. That may mean a smaller house, selling some things, moving closer to work for example
5. Resolve to be healthier. That means eating right, exercising a few hours a week and reducing stress among other factors. The healthier we are the lower our health care bills will be in the years to come and of course we will be happier!

Happy New Year to your and yours!

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

Stumped for Ideas for Christmas Gifts? 9 Gifts for the Older Person who has Everything

Many seniors have spent their lives accumulating possessions and seem to have everything. In fact they are in the position of needing to downsize and eliminate some of their possessions. When it comes to gift giving for these persons what do you do? Here is some inspiration for the challenged gift giver:

1. Gift certificate for massages/facials. If the senior is not used to doing these then you may need to follow up by making an appointment for them and providing transport if necessary. This will avoid it sitting in a drawer somewhere.

2. Movie, concert or play tickets. Again you might want to add transportation particularly if these events are taking place at nights since seniors may not like to drive themselves.

3. Upgraded tickets for sporting events such as cricket or football

4. Fruit/wine baskets

5. Providing a needed repair or servicing. For example does a room need painting or a roof need repairing? Does the senior’s car need new tyres or servicing? Just get it done. Don’tt worry that it may not be very exciting. If it meets a real need it will be very appreciated

6. Cleaning/gardening services. You can choose to make this a one time event or promise to pay at specified times

7. Have meals delivered. Many seniors don’t eat as well as they should because they can’t be bothered to cook or may not have the energy to do so. Having nutritious and delicious meals delivered to the house from time to time is a wonderful gift. If the portions are generous the meal may serve more than once. OF course dietary needs should be considered

8. Photo albums or video of the family. This will be particularly appreciated if the family is spread out.

9. Gift certificates. Choose places where they can get a range of goods such as Amazon.com for online ordering or department stores with a variety of goods. Again you may need to offer transportation and follow up to make sure that they are used.

We said 9 but here is a bonus that is perfectly free

10. Your time! This may be the best gift of all over the holiday season. Put aside several hours just to sit and chat with the seniors in your life. Be creative – it doesn’t just have to be at home. Grab your car keys and head to the park or the hills and just sit and spend time with them.

Finally remember the reason for the season. Don’t get so stressed about getting the perfect gift that you forget that the best gift of all is love. Happy Holidays!

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

The Holidays are here – Caring for those who care

Holidays are a time for family and friends but what about those who have to care for the families of others? Caregivers of the elderly must leave their own families to care for those who cannot care for themselves. Whether they are paid or not it is a sacrifice. The stress and sacrifice increases in direct proportion to the amount of care needed. For example when the person is incontinent the stress is much more than if they can help themselves. Dealing with these difficult situations can seem even worse when the rest of the world seems to be having such a great time.

So what can you do to help a caregiver? Firstly and most obviously, help where you can. Even a break of a couple of hours can make a huge difference. I once heard of a caregiver who had not been able to soak in a bath for years because of her caregiving duties. She had instead been relegated to quick showers which she always took while listening out for her elderly mother. Two hours would be like heaven for her. If you can’t help in person – perhaps you can help in kind by paying for professional care to give the caregiver a break.

Secondly, support your caregiver emotionally. Caregiving work is often one sided and thankless. The caregiver can easily become physically and emotionally drained with burnout being the inevitable result. Don’t let them bear it all alone. Ask about them – not just the person that they are caring for. When they respond – listen without judgment – that’s your gift to them. The simplest gesture – a pat on the shoulders, hug, thank you card, slice of cake or sweet treat may show care and will be appreciated. Many caregivers are away from their own families. Ask if they want to make a call at your expense or buy a phone card for special calls.

Thirdly, offer practical help. Caregivers may appreciate assistance particularly around the holidays. If you are going shopping for example, ask if you can pick up something for them. They may find it difficult to find the time to do the usual holiday traditions such as decorating the house or preparing a holiday meal but may still want to enjoy the traditions. Family members can bring a lot of joy by spending a few hours to bring Christmas cheer to those who can’t find the time to do it for themselves.

Finally, remember the caregiver in your Holiday routines. Even paid caregivers become a part of the family after a while so treat them like that. Buy them a gift, give them a card, cook a special meal, invite them to church while a family member stays with the senior. Family members who are caregivers need to be included even if they say otherwise. If Grandma can’t come to you then surprise her by taking the family to her for example. If that isn’t practical make sure that someone from the community makes a special visit, call the pastor and make sure that someone from the church will visit and so on.

In the end caregivers are going to have a difficult time around the holidays but you can make it easier if you give it some thought and attention. This is a time for the golden rule – what would you want someone to do for you in that situation? In fact you may be in that situation yourself sooner rather than later according to Roslyn Carter who is supposed to have said that there are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who currently are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers. With that in mind it’s a good idea to pay it forward!

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

Here Come the Holidays – Tips for Caregivers

Canada has had Thanksgiving, the US will have it in a couple of days and then come the Christmas and New Years’ holidays celebrated almost everywhere that Caribbean people live in large numbers. Many of us are looking forward to these holidays, either because of the opportunity to connect with family or because we will get some well needed rest. For one group of people it may mean something completely different – we’re talking about caregivers of the elderly.

You are a caregiver if you care for another person either on a paid or voluntary basis. The needs of the elderly don’t take a holiday and perhaps you can’t either. In fact it may be necessary to give paid caregivers time off and that means that unpaid caregivers must take up the slack. It can be difficult and it can be lonely work especially if the elderly person needs a lot of care. It may even lead to depression in the caregiver.

If you will be a caregiver in this holiday period you have some time to manage the upcoming holidays. First, don’t just assume that you have to care for the older person all by yourself. Ask for help! Many of us feel that people should volunteer but they seldom do, especially if we seem to be coping. So, you take the step and don’t be vague or subtle. Say for example – “I need to go shopping on Saturday – who can come and stay with Mama?” rather than “I can’t believe that you all are going to leave me alone to take care of Mama!”. The latter sounds whiney and vague, and people may not know how to respond. The former gives them a clear indication of what and when you want it. Fact -the tone of voice you use is important too – people respond more to body language and tone of voice than they do to the actual words. So be firm in asking – assume that someone will be coming to stay on Saturday rather than a timid “I know I’m asking a lot and you probably can’t do it but please try” voice.

Secondly, if your regular paid caregiver has to take time off then look for some help and introduce them gradually before the holidays. Of course you will be nervous leaving Mama or Auntie with a stranger so don’t let them be a stranger. Get to know them and see the interaction between themselves and your loved in a more relaxed setting. If you’re going to be out of the house then this gives you time to show them around rather than giving information in a rush.

Thirdly, if you cannot get help then don’t be a martyr. Maybe friends and relatives can come to spend some time with you. Many people may not know your situation but if you open up they may be only too willing to drop by, bring a meal or sit and have a glass of wine with you. You deserve some care too so don’t be afraid to ask for it. Link with family or friends by telephone or computer. Plan to do something for you as well. Don’t spend the entire time watching holiday movies – stock up on books or magazines that you’ve wanted to read, start a project that you’ve been meaning to try, haul out the sewing machine. In other words – do something specific that you enjoy rather than just sitting around watching the hours tick by in between caring for the senior. If the senior is able, then this is also a great time to capture their memories on tape as a legacy for others.

Don’t be a Martha either. Martha was a woman in the bible who was losing out on the moment because she was so focused on what her sister was not doing. First, as we said ask for the help that you want. Secondly, don’t waste time looking with envy at other’s situations. Those Hallmark moments are mostly fiction and in fact most people are not having a perfect time. Indeed many may envy you for not having to deal with some of their situations and drama! In your situation what is the good? Find it and then praise it! Caregiving is honourable work that is as old as time and those who do it will be blessed if not now, later. What are you learning from this season in your life and how can you use it for yourself and others? The answer may be your blessing!

Next time we’ll talk about caring for other caregivers

Elder Abuse – A Real Threat

The US based Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that hundreds of thousands of elderly Americans are abused annually and the problem is so serious that an Elder Abuse Day has been declared in that country. Within the past week I have heard three horrifying stories of elder abuse – one in China, one in the US and one in Jamaica. In the China case an elderly woman had to sue her relatives in order to get them to care for her. The US case is horrific – a woman with a broken femur left to suffer in unbelievable pain for months until her screams finally drove the family to seek care, and the Jamaican one – a man left almost helpless in a backroom infested by insects. These are likely to be the tip of the iceberg and we cannot imagine how many undiscovered cases exist.

In the Caribbean our small size means that we often live closer to our parents and grandparents but it’s also true that many families are separated because of migration. The family system is also not as robust as it once was and demands of jobs and family may mean less attention and time for seniors. Add to that the fact that people are living longer and often beyond their finances and you can see that some seniors are in vulnerable situations and open to abuse.

Abuse isn’t always physical. In fact the CDC says that there are six types of elder abuse – physical, sexual, emotional, neglect, abandonment and financial abuse. The elderly may be abused by the very people on whom they depend for daily care and therefore many are afraid to speak out and tell someone of the abuse. It may be perpetuated by family members (including spouses) who appear loving to others and elder abuse can occur anywhere including expensive nursing homes so there really are no guarantees. It may occur because of stress with burnt out caregivers or because people are just unscrupulous and taking advantage of a weaker person. Whatever the cause it is unacceptable.

The best defense against elder abuse is the loving care and attention of at least one other person who is observant to the signs. Signs include:

– Bruises, pressure marks, broken bones and burns
– Unexplained withdrawal from normal activities, depression, change in alertness
– Sudden changes in financial situations
– Frequent arguments between the elderly person and the caregiver
– Humiliation and ridicule of the elderly person or scapegoating and blaming
– Ignoring or isolating the elderly person
– Charges for health care that do not appear to be provided
– Over or under medicating

There are many other signs which you should familiarize yourself with if you have any reason to be concerned about an elderly person that you know. This site is a good place to start – http://www.helpguide.org/mental/elder_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

If you suspect elder abuse you must act. Asking the elderly person may or may not be helpful because many are afraid to speak or may be conflicted about reporting abuse by a relative to someone. Do some investigation to verify your suspicions. For example roll up a sleeve to check for bruises if you suspect physical abuse and watch carefully when the elderly person is being moved or is moving to see if there is pain. Pay attention to the dynamics between the caregiver and the elderly person paying particular attention to body language. Question financial irregularities and don’t be satisfied with pat responses. Don’t just settle for visiting an elderly person in a shared area or verandah, take a look at their bedroom. Ask trusted family members or friends to observe and give their opinion.

It will probably be necessary to remove the elderly person from the care of the caregiver and in many cases to make a formal report to the authorities. You should definitely do the latter in the case of an institution that has care for other seniors – don’t settle for just safeguarding your senior. Others need protection as well.

It has been said that we judge societies by the care that they give to their most vulnerable and that includes the elderly. After giving a lifetime of service to others many of them will need others to help them. It’s not a job that we can or should turn down.

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

Retirement – Not all Peaches and Cream but here’s how to make it sweeter

Of course you know about retirement but what does it feel like? Knowing what to expect for you or a loved one can help to successfully navigate this stage of life. Experts suggest that there are three phases involved in retirement – pre-retirement, retirement and post-retirement. Each one brings its own challenges and opportunities.

Pre-retirement – When retirement is far we don’t pay a lot of attention to it or plan for it. As it becomes nearer however we move to actively planning for retirement. Good planning can make the transition to retirement easier.

Retirement– The actual departure from the workforce and

Post-retirement – Often starts with the honeymoon which is just as it sounds a blissful period of excitement and expectation unless the retirement was undesired or unplanned. In that case this period may begin with frustration and anger (kind of like a shotgun marriage!). The honeymoon stage is often followed by disenchantment as the retiree faces the reality of diminished income, health concerns or other issues. At this stage the retiree may feel disappointed, let down or even angry. It may be followed by the reorientation stage during which the retiree comes to terms with this new stage of life and re-evaluates the opportunities that exist. This may be followed by a period of stability where long term goals are achieved with contentment. The final stage called terminal ends retirement one way or the other. In happy cases the retiree may be in a position to choose to re-enter the workforce but sadly some retirees may enter a period of illness, disability or depression.

We’ve looked at cycles before and you know that they are only indicative and people will chart their own path depending on their situation. personality and so on. They are useful in helping us to understand what may be going on with a loved one. I remember a relative of mine changing quite a bit once he finally retired. For the first time in over fifty years he didn’t have a job that he had to be at and he wasn’t prepared for it. Neither were his relatives and frankly we didn’t know what to do. We veered between encouraging him to volunteer with various causes and getting upset with him when he didn’t. Eventually we just gave up. Looking at the cycle now I realize that we could have predicted the shock of retirement and started planning at an earlier stage rather than waiting until he retired to say ‘Now what?’. We could also have seen it for a phase that he had to go through and empathize with him as he worked his way through the emotions and be ready to help him when he was ready to move onto the next stage.

I’ve also seen retirees go through the honeymoon phase and quite frankly overdo it. They take extended trips overseas, fix up the house, take up expensive hobbies without adequate recognition of their new situation which probably involves a smaller income. Families are relieved that parents and grandparents are handling the retirement so well and are blindsided when the disenchantment period arrives and reality sets in. Planning ahead for the expenses and income of retirement could have helped the retiring person to make better and more realistic choices. Travel yes – but perhaps one trip rather than three for example. Realize that sleeping in everyday will be pleasant after a lifetime of alarm clocks but not having anything to do will make time crawl and retirement boring and unpleasant. Again planning by having a life outside of work would make the transition easier and may even eliminate the disenchantment stage.

If you’re facing retirement in the next decade or so then of course this is a wake up call to plan for retirement and to expect that it will have its ups and downs. Plan to enjoy the ups and know that the downs can be temporary. If you know someone who is retired and going through a difficult time you can be better equipped to assist them. Don’t be shocked if the honeymoon phase is followed by disenchantment. Expect that disenchantment is more likely if the retiree is experiencing poor health or has lost someone they love and have a shoulder ready to lean on. Try to provide information and support to help them to the next stage of reorientation but remember everyone will move at their own pace. Above all, be there with love, support and understanding.

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ