Holidays are a time for family and friends but what about those who have to care for the families of others? Caregivers of the elderly must leave their own families to care for those who cannot care for themselves. Whether they are paid or not it is a sacrifice. The stress and sacrifice increases in direct proportion to the amount of care needed. For example when the person is incontinent the stress is much more than if they can help themselves. Dealing with these difficult situations can seem even worse when the rest of the world seems to be having such a great time.
So what can you do to help a caregiver? Firstly and most obviously, help where you can. Even a break of a couple of hours can make a huge difference. I once heard of a caregiver who had not been able to soak in a bath for years because of her caregiving duties. She had instead been relegated to quick showers which she always took while listening out for her elderly mother. Two hours would be like heaven for her. If you can’t help in person – perhaps you can help in kind by paying for professional care to give the caregiver a break.
Secondly, support your caregiver emotionally. Caregiving work is often one sided and thankless. The caregiver can easily become physically and emotionally drained with burnout being the inevitable result. Don’t let them bear it all alone. Ask about them – not just the person that they are caring for. When they respond – listen without judgment – that’s your gift to them. The simplest gesture – a pat on the shoulders, hug, thank you card, slice of cake or sweet treat may show care and will be appreciated. Many caregivers are away from their own families. Ask if they want to make a call at your expense or buy a phone card for special calls.
Thirdly, offer practical help. Caregivers may appreciate assistance particularly around the holidays. If you are going shopping for example, ask if you can pick up something for them. They may find it difficult to find the time to do the usual holiday traditions such as decorating the house or preparing a holiday meal but may still want to enjoy the traditions. Family members can bring a lot of joy by spending a few hours to bring Christmas cheer to those who can’t find the time to do it for themselves.
Finally, remember the caregiver in your Holiday routines. Even paid caregivers become a part of the family after a while so treat them like that. Buy them a gift, give them a card, cook a special meal, invite them to church while a family member stays with the senior. Family members who are caregivers need to be included even if they say otherwise. If Grandma can’t come to you then surprise her by taking the family to her for example. If that isn’t practical make sure that someone from the community makes a special visit, call the pastor and make sure that someone from the church will visit and so on.
In the end caregivers are going to have a difficult time around the holidays but you can make it easier if you give it some thought and attention. This is a time for the golden rule – what would you want someone to do for you in that situation? In fact you may be in that situation yourself sooner rather than later according to Roslyn Carter who is supposed to have said that there are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who currently are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers. With that in mind it’s a good idea to pay it forward!
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