Paper, Paper, Paper everywhere – Managing the finances of our loved ones.

A friend sent me this article and it is a ‘must read’ for those of us with elderly loved ones. Please take the time to read through and then to take the necessary steps to streamline their information. Don’t have any elderly loved ones? Are your finances in line and easy to follow?
http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-difficult-delicate-untangling-of-our-parents-financial-lives-1459130770

Decluttering

I found this great article on decluttering one step at a time and it fits right in with the theme of lightening the load. It’s a lot but just start where you are…. Check it out at Five Easy Decluttering Projects That Will Transform Your Living Space – http://media.harpercollinschristian.com/page/five-easy-decluttering-projects-that-will-transform-your-living-space?utm_source=Znonfiction&utm_medium=email&utm_term=20160308&utm_campaign=zTrade030816b

Lightened the Load – Now what?

Thanks for the very positive feedback to  my previous blog on “Time to lighten the Load“.  In that blog I tried to move us past the many excuses that we make for not parting with our ‘stuff’.  I pointed out how difficult it was for the next generation who would have to do the job that we refused to do.  So, hopefully you have made a decision to rid yourself of some of your possessions.  The question is now what to do with them.

The answer will depend on the items concerned.  Let’s say that it is your grandmother’s tea set.  Courtesy demands that you allow a family member first pick.  As we discussed in the previous column many  younger family members will decline but give them the chance to do so.  The last thing that you want is to start a family feud when someone later discovers that you sold/gave away a part of the family history that they wanted.  Speaking of feuds, think through a system for letting the family know of its availability.  It’s probably safest to let everyone know at once.  For example, you could do a group email with a picture of the tea set and make it clear that it is first come first served.  Of course, if someone had previously expressed an interest in the tea set you job is easy – give it to them.

Let’s say it is not a piece of the family history but something that you bought and no longer need/want.  Let us be practical – WE NEED THE MONEY because retirement is almost as expensive as pre-retirement but we will have a reduced income.  So your first  order of business is to try to sell the item.  Utilise local resources and base your decision on local conditions.  For example Barbados seems to have a thriving antiques market, Jamaica does not.  In Barbados I arranged for a professional to hold an auction and he sold most of the possessions in my relative’s house.  In Jamaica this is not an option so I have to advertise directly.  Do your homework in pricing and set a minimum that you will accept. Set your cost on current market value and not on what you paid for it.   Don’t forget to network and tell your friends and colleagues what you have for sale.  In casual conversation one day I found for example that a colleague was searching for cake forks – something that I no longer wanted.  A friend wanted wine glasses – two sets of stuff disposed of.

You can also do a garage sale. Bear in mind however that this takes quite a bit of organisation so enlist lots of help if you decide to take this route and start early to do the pricing, set up.  Have help on the day to help with answering queries and to keep an eye on the items.  If you’re not up for direct sales you might want to use services such as eBay for some items such as  china and silver.  It is fairly easy to get comparable prices online and to photograph and offer your stuff.  You do however have to have the time to dedicate to following up on the questions and responses so bear that in mind.

If you can’t get a sale and no family member wants what you no longer need/want then it’s time to give it away.  This is usually an easy option – pick your favourite charity and give them a call.  Be thoughtful since you want to ensure that your possessions have a happy home.  I have for example felt happy in donating boxes of books to our library service because I know that young minds will have a chance to enjoy what I have enjoyed.  If you are a professional you may feel happy to donate to those organisations that want gently worn suits and accessories for less fortunate men and women who are trying to make a favourable impression on a potential employer.  Please do not give anyone what is broken, torn or in poor condition.  Those you need to dump.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.  You may miss what you once held dear but you can enjoy the feeling of leaving less for a younger generation to deal with.  You will also like the idea of knowing that someone is enjoying what you once enjoyed.   Then there’s that space  and lightness from emptier closets, cupboards, tabletops and rooms.  Just be careful not to fill them back up again with more stuff!

 

 

Time to Lighten the Load!

I have had the job of clearing out several homes of older relatives as they have either  downsized or passed.  I wish that I had had that experience when I was in my 20s.  If I had I know that I would have bought and collected less stuff!  I am doing so now but I still have a household full of stuff that is meaningful to me but may be a burden for someone else when I am gone.

Are you in the same position?  Don’t take it for granted that your children or younger relatives will want your things.  We’re living longer and that means that by the time we pass our children will more than likely have their own things.  Moreover they are living differently. In my case   while my older relatives did a lot of formal entertaining (My mother’s dinners  of “From Soup to Nuts” were legendary), I do a lot less entertaining and very informally when I do.  As a result while I love her china, silver and crystal and they bring back pleasant memories, I don’t know what to do with them!  Don’t take it for granted that you can sell them either.  The ‘Tiny House’ movement is on and people are a lot more nomadic as well so downsizing is taking place all over and while people may admire your stuff they don’t have room for it in their lives.

So what’s my point?  Start shedding the load now.  Look around your house at what you have and ask yourself some searching questions

• What do I absolutely love?  You should keep it
• What do I use regularly?  You should keep it
• What don’t I care about anymore?  You should dispose of it
• What don’t I need anymore?  You should dispose of it 
• What don’t I use but think that I may use at some time in the future?  You should dispose of it 
• What don’t I really like but feel obligated to keep because of who gave it to me?  You should dispose of it 

This will be difficult but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it.  In fact you should do it sooner rather than later.  To get yourself ready here are some thoughts that I have found useful :

• Things are not people.  This is useful when I feel obligated to hold onto something because X or Y gave it to me.  Giving away the gift is not giving them away.  I can love the thought that they put into it and appreciate it without holding onto it.  If necessary take a picture of it but let it go!
• Someone else can get more joy out of it than I am getting out of it.  This is useful when I am holding onto something I don’t care about anymore, don’t use anymore or think that I might use in the future.  While it is gathering dust and depreciating, I am robbing myself of the opportunity to give it to someone who can use it right now.  Think of the joy when they get what they really need/want and let it go!
• The money is gone.  I find this useful when I want to hold onto something that I invested in already.  Whether it sits on a shelf gathering dust or whether I give it to someone who can appreciate and use it now the money is already gone.  Give or sell it to someone else and let it go!
• Getting rid of stuff I don’t need/want/like gives me the space to use and enjoy the things that I DO want/need/like.  When you have fewer things they stand out more so pick what you really love and let it go!

In another column I’ll tackle the tricky issue of what to do with the things but for now start looking around and making some decisions.  Develop a system and stick to it.  You could for example spend half an hour a week sorting  or you could do a cupboard or a shelf at a time.  Be ruthless and if it will help, think about someone having to sort through all of your ‘treasures’ and making decisions about what to do with them.  Think of them having to do so in a hurry without knowing what they mean to you and their true value.    Wouldn’t you rather make those decisions yourself?   

Happiness After 50

Not an original from me but some great ideas contained in here so take a look and more importantly – follow through!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-manning/find-lasting-happiness-after-50_b_6894794.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

The Healthcare Dilemma: Tips for the Middling Through Generation

I read a lot of history and it is quite fascinating to see that in the Middle Ages people would die of illnesses and accidents that we can easily fix today. Childhood mortality was extremely high and people in their 50s were considered to be elderly. Over time health care has steadily improved and we are able to prolong life quite substantially with the right treatments. Unfortunately those treatments can come at quite a substantial cost. The question is – can we afford that cost?

Let’s think about where that money could come from. It could ideally come from health insurance. Many of us get this type of health insurance through our jobs but as contract and freelance employment becomes more common many of us will have to provide our own insurance. Also be aware that insurance will only cover part of the costs of procedures. Further, insurance may deny coverage for certain procedures. Your doctor may therefore recommend a course of action and insurance may deny coverage for it. Your choices are to pay for it yourself or do without.

If you don’t have insurance then your health care coverage will have to come from your personal resources. The sad fact is that one illness can wipe out even healthy bank and investment balances. I have heard for example, of one professional who had to sell his own house to pay for his wife’s medical expenses. Ironically he was a healthcare professional himself. Luckily he had a house but what now? Where does he live? I know of other cases where spouses and family members have been left quite destitute as a result of paying for health care. In some cases they are quite elderly themselves – what do they do now?

Without either health insurance or personal resources you are dependent on the state or the goodness of family, friends or well-wishers. These are clearly undependable sources. The state, especially in the Caribbean where I am writing, has limited resources and many demands on those resources. You may find yourself on a long waiting list for treatment or may not be able to get it at all. Friends and family do love you but they are likely to have their own financial challenges. A son or daughter may have to choose between caring for Mom’s cancer treatment or their child’s tertiary education. They may even be battling their own illnesses at the time and be unable to assist. Many family arguments stem from the decisions of one spouse to assist an ailing parent while the other one prefers to use the money otherwise. Arguments may also arise between siblings as one or more feel that others are not pulling their weight. In addition to the trauma of illness there is therefore the trauma of tension, stress, conflict and ill feeling in the family.

Enough of the depressing possibilities. What can we do?
First of all we can increase our health insurance as much as possible. Take out additional policies while you are relatively young to take advantage of lower premiums. If you know of good policies that your parents or older relatives may benefit from, suggest that they invest in them. If they lack resources consider whether it might be cheaper in the long run for you to pay the policies on their behalf to ensure that they have the coverage that they need.

Secondly, save and invest aggressively. Health care is more expensive than you think and you will need a good cushion. Again, try to assist your older family members in their own decision making and savings. Many of them will have their money in low yield savings accounts when there are safe alternatives that would provide them with much better interest rates.

Thirdly, manage your health as best as possible. There is lots of advice out there about what to do to prevent many of the lifestyle diseases. Follow that advice as well as you can and try to monitor the health of your older relatives as well as you can.

Finally, have a plan for your own health care. Deciding whether you want your family to prolong your life at all costs and committing that to writing will make it easier for all concerned. Yes – we can live longer but only if we can afford to.

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Here’s to Doing More

It’s inevitable that those of us in the Middling Through generation are called upon constantly to do more. Many of us are raising children and even grandchildren while taking care of older relatives. We are probably balancing a demanding job and handling other responsibilities at church, our children’s schools and elsewhere. Some of us may even be studying.

It gets so crazy that many of us, myself included, are in a constant struggle to do less. We are told to say No more often and to set boundaries. We try but when we don’t succeed we end up feeling frustrated and angry with ourselves. Why can’t we get it together? We dream of things that we could do if only we could shake all the ‘Must Dos’. We would garden, we would spend more time with friends and family, we would read and on and on. But life gets in the way, so we don’t.

After a terrible few months battling the Chikengunya Virus I went on Christmas Vacation exhausted emotionally and physically and many pounds overweight because of the inability to exercise or the energy do much of anything but drag myself to and from work. One day I was walking through a store and saw a lovely poster that spoke to me but it was too big to pack so I just memorized the words. In the very next store however I saw those same words on a small wall plaque that could fit and I knew that God was sending me a clear message. It said just these few words “Do more of what makes you happy’. Simple but profound. Don’t focus on doing less – just do more – of the things that make you happy.

But the message did not stop there. Shortly after I was reading an article on resolutions for the new year and it suggested that we avoid focusing on the usual – I am going to lose 20 pounds, I am going to stop eating out so often and so on. Instead, it suggested that we focus on doing more. The idea intrigued me especially since I was now walking by my little plaque several times a day and it was reminding me to “Do more of what makes you happy. What could I do more of? It’s a work in progress but here is what I came up with so far:

– Do more steps. The doctors suggest 10,000 a day. I am trying to get those in at least 4 times a week. It required some juggling – 10,000 steps is quite a lot, but now I’m choosing to walk to places that I would normally drive to, adding to my numher of laps and so on.
– Drink more water.
– Eat more vegetables and fruit. Rather than focus on cutting portions which is a good thing I hasten to add, but tedious for me, I am adding more vegetables. Naturally when you have more vegetables, you have less space on your plate and life for more of other things.
– Linking with at least one friend a week. No more excuses or putting it off until ‘next week when I am less tired’. It’s a goal in my ‘Doing more’ strategy so I am pencilling it in and making it happen.

Combining the two concepts has worked quite well. Doing more of what makes me happy means rediscovering the joy of trying out new recipes and we all know that eating at home is healthier. Doing more of what makes me happy is making me find more time for my garden, and of course gardening involves walking – adding to those steps! I would be lying if I said that doing laps around the park makes me happy, but what does make me happy is listening to an audiobook so I combine the two and get in my steps and my reading at the same time. Even I am amazed at my creativity!

So, over to you? What can you do more of? Is it more of family time? More of ‘You’ time, More of ‘Your hobbies’? Don’t focus on the less of because that leads to a feeling of deprivation. If you do more of one thing you automatically have to do less of others because in the end days still only have 24 hours. I have found that when you do more of what you love and enjoy you are more at peace and less stressed and can manage the rest of your life better.

Doing more of what you love inevitably means saying ‘No’ to what you don’t really love since you really don’t have the time anymore. If we’re in the Middling Through generation it probably means that we have more years behind than in front of us. We can’t waste them in ill health, worry, procrastination and unhappiness. There’s no time like the present – grab your list and start planning to do more!

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How to Beat the Odds when you are Single After 50 – Guest Writer AudreyDW

It’s the beginning of a new year and many persons are busy making resolutions, even though in large part we all know it is only a matter of tradition. If we are being honest with ourselves, we know that by the end of the first quarter these resolutions will have to be put back on the list for next year’s “must dos”. An interesting development I noted this year however was that aside from the usual resolutions to lose weight, live a healthier life style, save more and grow even closer to God, some persons including a few of my own friends, resolved to find a partner in 2015! I found this interesting, as most of these persons were already “middling through”, and finding a partner is not usual priority one for them! But then, I noticed that one of my favourite performers, Jill Scott was set to star in a Lifetime TV movie, “With This Ring”, which essentially speaks about 3 girlfriends, who though were they had successful careers were not as successful or lucky in love. They each resolved to finding someone and be married within 12 months. The ladies as portrayed in the movie are from a much younger generation than my friends, so it reminded me that the need to feel loved is human, regardless of age!

But the movie had me thinking again about my friends’ resolutions to find love in 2015. We are all early fifties with arguably successful careers. However, for my circle of friends and myself, our love lives were not as successful. We had already been through our first marriage or in one instance, never married. Some had been divorced, and in my own case, I was widowed when I was only 42. Our focus up to this point had been on developing our careers and seeing our children through to adulthood. Really, the bright spots in our lives, at least where family was concerned and up until this point, were our children. However, with the children almost out of the house, our attention will naturally return to ourselves. So, here we were on New Year’s Eve hanging out together, sipping wine and talking about our aspirations for 2015, with love on our minds!

Unfortunately, statistics show that for many in Jamaica, their marriage will end in divorce. A recent article in one of our local newspapers suggested that the rate may be as high as seventy five percent. At the same time that the number of persons getting divorced is increasing, the number of persons getting married is declining. The same article indicated that between 2008 and 20113 the number of persons who got married reduced from 22,152 to 18,835, a 15% decline over the 5 year period.

The reality is that a significant number of middle aged persons are single, and for many there is only a slim chance that they will marry/remarry. To emphasize the point, a good friend once told me that I had a vacancy that can’t be filled! Probably said in jest, but starkly true given the statistics!! I am also reminded of a story I heard. A recently-widowed obviously eligible parishioner made the “mistake” of marrying a widow in the church. The other single sisters in the church were not happy, as they felt she should have allowed one of those other sisters who had not yet “been down the aisle in a white frock” to get the chance of feeling what it was like to be married. Funny indeed!!

In my work life, it is natural for me to be a problem-solver. So it made me think, what are the options? Do we give up? Certainly not!! If it is truly the desire of your heart to find companionship, and remember, I have concluded it is natural, there are things you can do.

– Start by consciously trying to meet new people who are potential partners. Go where there are likely to be persons who share similar interests!

– If you are shy about asking your friends and acquaintances about making introductions, online dating may be an option. It has become the new way for persons including professionals, to meet. Of course you will have to guard against any risks, perceived or real associated with online dating.

– Another option may be to join one of the growing numbers of singles clubs. These may be found at churches or may be more secular in nature.

– If you are interested in giving back to your community, joining a service club may be another option. You will be killing the proverbial two birds with one stove.

Generally, do the things that bring joy and fulfillment in your life, and let love, it is to happen, come naturally to you. At least you will know for sure you are meeting someone who is interested in the things you too are interested in.

The bottom line is, do not despair if it doesn’t happen. And certainly, do not compromise your values and “settle”. You may end up creating more problems than you solve. Again, fill your life with things that bring you joy. Learn to love your own company. If there’s that that event you badly want to see (mine are movies and plays) and can’t find others to go with you, go anyway! You would be surprised to know how many other persons are there by themselves as well. Finally, remember the bonds formed with family and friends to keep them strong as these relations will become even more important as you age.

In closing, I would be remiss if as someone engaged in managing pensions, I didn’t say anything about planning financially for your retirement years. This too is important, as you may have only yourself to see you through to the end.

Hope you’ll achieve more of your heart’s desire in 2015! Love and marriage included, and as Khalil Gibran said “Think not that you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, will direct your course”!

Chik-V and Me: The Wake up Call on Aging

When I was doing my training as a Certified Senior Advisor, we did a simulated exercise to help us to understand what it was like to be an older person. First, we listened to a recording which was slightly muffled and that helped us to understand how someone hard of hearing might experience the world. Then we put on a pair of disposable glasses that made letters appear very fuzzy – that was what it was like to be visually impaired. Finally we were asked to handle something using gloves and that was how it was like to lose some of our sensory feelings. They were literally eye opening exercises and I have ever since been better able to identify with some of the challenges of older adults.

Recently I had another such experience as I contracted the Chikungunya Virus. The virus is not fatal, but as I discovered it limits your mobility. I could barely walk from my bedroom to the bathroom and the normal bathroom activities had to be approached slowly and cautiously. The stairs were quite an experience as well. I went down slowly and ponderously one foot down and then the other so it took at least twice as long. Then, having made my coffee, I realized that taking it back upstairs with me would not be the usual easy experience because I needed to have my hands free to help me negotiate and balance. So I devised a scheme of putting the cup down on a step above, climbing two steps, moving the cup up a few more steps and then climbing some more and so on. Coffee and I made it up several minutes later. I’ll spare you some of the other stair experiences! A week later when the pain moved to my hands I found that even the simple act of perking my coffee and holding the mug was awkward, painful and slow. While they were painful I am so grateful for these experiences as they showed me in a way that nothing else could have what I may face permanently in maybe another two decades, or perhaps even less.

As we get older our homes may become less friendly and more challenging. I discovered what it was like to have to navigate myself up and down from a toilet seat when my knees didn’t work and what it was like to step up and into the bathtub when I felt shaky. I worried about falling in the bathtub especially after hearing about a young man who apparently hit his head and fractured his skull after passing out from the illness. I realized that two storey living may be possible but it probably is not desirable so I know that I have to think carefully about options. I realized that while I love my leisurely soaks in the bathtub, the bathtub will present a challenge as well so I will need to think of something that requires less effort to enter. Clearly grab bars will be required to provide a sense of security and safety. These things are not necessary immediately but they will eventually become necessary, and now I understand how my body is likely to respond as I get older.

What about you? Have you had a wake up call like this? If you own your own home and want to stay in it as you age what retrofitting will you need to do? Don’t wait too long to do it as renovation costs may become prohibitive as you get older. If you don’t want to stay in your own home then are you planning to buy or rent some place for your retirement? You can delay renting but purchasing may need to take place sooner rather than later. Then there’s the living alone issue – do you feel comfortable living alone when you are not well and have limited mobility? Would you feel better with other people in your space? How can you make that happen? Getting older is just another phase of life and with proper planning we can minimize the stress on mind, body and soul but let’s start planning right now!

The Five Fs of Balance for the Middling Through Generation

Those of us in the middling through generation have care of children and grandchildren at the same time that we may be caring for aging relatives. As we have noted before increased longevity means that we may have as many as six generations in a family alive at any one time! This is a huge blessing – Think what a great grandmother or great grandfather can pass onto a youngster! However there is little doubt that it can be stressful, particularly for women because we are often the primary caregivers. Add to that the fact that working women in their forties and fifties are most likely to be at the peak of their careers and therefore have more responsibility and more challenges. Burnout is highly possible as we try to juggle our various personal and professional roles.

I therefore found it very interesting when I read a recent article in Black Enterprise in which a doctor described her own discovery that she was living an unbalanced life. She mentioned the five fundamentals and her own journey to get them in balance. The five fundamentals (not necessarily in any particular order) are –
– Faith
– Fitness
– Food
– Fun
– Family

With those in mind here are some questions I am asking myself that you might find useful as well

– Faith: Am I losing touch with my faith because of pressures of time and obligations? Am I skipping services or events related to my faith for the same reason?

– Family: Am I spending quality time with family members, especially those for whom I am not a caregiver? Do we spend our time just talking about our obligations and exchanging basic information, or are we making time to enjoy one another’s company?

– Food – Am I skipping meals? Making unhealthy choices because of stress or pressure of time? Am I eating too much or too little?

– Fitness – Is my weight in the desired zone? Am I exercising regularly? Am I feeling good?

– Fun – Am I enjoying life or just going through it? Laughter is said to be the best medicine – Am I laughing enough? Am I skipping fun activities regularly because I am too tired or too busy?

As I look at my own list I realize that I need to be more balanced. However rather than make it too stressful to be balanced I am thinking of combining some things. For example I do work out regularly but it could be more fun! To add some fun I downloaded a couple of books to listen to on the elliptical (Yes, that’s my idea of fun! I love reading but don’t get time to do as much as I would like to). Similarly, I do like cooking but don’t do enough of it because of time pressures. I’m rethinking that aspect of my life because it is fun and would hit the food list because my own meals are always healthier than the prepackaged ones. I’m planning on fewer cans and boxes and more fresh stuff.

There are other choices that I’m going to have to make but as I looked at the fundamental five I had to fight my Type A tendency to do a list of twenty changes to start next week! That would be just too stressful so I picked one or two gradual changes to work on and then move onto the rest. How about you? What would your fundamental five checklist look like? Do your own check and make a few changes. Let’s fight burnout with everything that we’ve got – our life depends on it!