How to Beat the Odds when you are Single After 50 – Guest Writer AudreyDW

It’s the beginning of a new year and many persons are busy making resolutions, even though in large part we all know it is only a matter of tradition. If we are being honest with ourselves, we know that by the end of the first quarter these resolutions will have to be put back on the list for next year’s “must dos”. An interesting development I noted this year however was that aside from the usual resolutions to lose weight, live a healthier life style, save more and grow even closer to God, some persons including a few of my own friends, resolved to find a partner in 2015! I found this interesting, as most of these persons were already “middling through”, and finding a partner is not usual priority one for them! But then, I noticed that one of my favourite performers, Jill Scott was set to star in a Lifetime TV movie, “With This Ring”, which essentially speaks about 3 girlfriends, who though were they had successful careers were not as successful or lucky in love. They each resolved to finding someone and be married within 12 months. The ladies as portrayed in the movie are from a much younger generation than my friends, so it reminded me that the need to feel loved is human, regardless of age!

But the movie had me thinking again about my friends’ resolutions to find love in 2015. We are all early fifties with arguably successful careers. However, for my circle of friends and myself, our love lives were not as successful. We had already been through our first marriage or in one instance, never married. Some had been divorced, and in my own case, I was widowed when I was only 42. Our focus up to this point had been on developing our careers and seeing our children through to adulthood. Really, the bright spots in our lives, at least where family was concerned and up until this point, were our children. However, with the children almost out of the house, our attention will naturally return to ourselves. So, here we were on New Year’s Eve hanging out together, sipping wine and talking about our aspirations for 2015, with love on our minds!

Unfortunately, statistics show that for many in Jamaica, their marriage will end in divorce. A recent article in one of our local newspapers suggested that the rate may be as high as seventy five percent. At the same time that the number of persons getting divorced is increasing, the number of persons getting married is declining. The same article indicated that between 2008 and 20113 the number of persons who got married reduced from 22,152 to 18,835, a 15% decline over the 5 year period.

The reality is that a significant number of middle aged persons are single, and for many there is only a slim chance that they will marry/remarry. To emphasize the point, a good friend once told me that I had a vacancy that can’t be filled! Probably said in jest, but starkly true given the statistics!! I am also reminded of a story I heard. A recently-widowed obviously eligible parishioner made the “mistake” of marrying a widow in the church. The other single sisters in the church were not happy, as they felt she should have allowed one of those other sisters who had not yet “been down the aisle in a white frock” to get the chance of feeling what it was like to be married. Funny indeed!!

In my work life, it is natural for me to be a problem-solver. So it made me think, what are the options? Do we give up? Certainly not!! If it is truly the desire of your heart to find companionship, and remember, I have concluded it is natural, there are things you can do.

– Start by consciously trying to meet new people who are potential partners. Go where there are likely to be persons who share similar interests!

– If you are shy about asking your friends and acquaintances about making introductions, online dating may be an option. It has become the new way for persons including professionals, to meet. Of course you will have to guard against any risks, perceived or real associated with online dating.

– Another option may be to join one of the growing numbers of singles clubs. These may be found at churches or may be more secular in nature.

– If you are interested in giving back to your community, joining a service club may be another option. You will be killing the proverbial two birds with one stove.

Generally, do the things that bring joy and fulfillment in your life, and let love, it is to happen, come naturally to you. At least you will know for sure you are meeting someone who is interested in the things you too are interested in.

The bottom line is, do not despair if it doesn’t happen. And certainly, do not compromise your values and “settle”. You may end up creating more problems than you solve. Again, fill your life with things that bring you joy. Learn to love your own company. If there’s that that event you badly want to see (mine are movies and plays) and can’t find others to go with you, go anyway! You would be surprised to know how many other persons are there by themselves as well. Finally, remember the bonds formed with family and friends to keep them strong as these relations will become even more important as you age.

In closing, I would be remiss if as someone engaged in managing pensions, I didn’t say anything about planning financially for your retirement years. This too is important, as you may have only yourself to see you through to the end.

Hope you’ll achieve more of your heart’s desire in 2015! Love and marriage included, and as Khalil Gibran said “Think not that you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, will direct your course”!