Stumped for Ideas for Christmas Gifts? 9 Gifts for the Older Person who has Everything

Many seniors have spent their lives accumulating possessions and seem to have everything. In fact they are in the position of needing to downsize and eliminate some of their possessions. When it comes to gift giving for these persons what do you do? Here is some inspiration for the challenged gift giver:

1. Gift certificate for massages/facials. If the senior is not used to doing these then you may need to follow up by making an appointment for them and providing transport if necessary. This will avoid it sitting in a drawer somewhere.

2. Movie, concert or play tickets. Again you might want to add transportation particularly if these events are taking place at nights since seniors may not like to drive themselves.

3. Upgraded tickets for sporting events such as cricket or football

4. Fruit/wine baskets

5. Providing a needed repair or servicing. For example does a room need painting or a roof need repairing? Does the senior’s car need new tyres or servicing? Just get it done. Don’tt worry that it may not be very exciting. If it meets a real need it will be very appreciated

6. Cleaning/gardening services. You can choose to make this a one time event or promise to pay at specified times

7. Have meals delivered. Many seniors don’t eat as well as they should because they can’t be bothered to cook or may not have the energy to do so. Having nutritious and delicious meals delivered to the house from time to time is a wonderful gift. If the portions are generous the meal may serve more than once. OF course dietary needs should be considered

8. Photo albums or video of the family. This will be particularly appreciated if the family is spread out.

9. Gift certificates. Choose places where they can get a range of goods such as Amazon.com for online ordering or department stores with a variety of goods. Again you may need to offer transportation and follow up to make sure that they are used.

We said 9 but here is a bonus that is perfectly free

10. Your time! This may be the best gift of all over the holiday season. Put aside several hours just to sit and chat with the seniors in your life. Be creative – it doesn’t just have to be at home. Grab your car keys and head to the park or the hills and just sit and spend time with them.

Finally remember the reason for the season. Don’t get so stressed about getting the perfect gift that you forget that the best gift of all is love. Happy Holidays!

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Here Come the Holidays – Tips for Caregivers

Canada has had Thanksgiving, the US will have it in a couple of days and then come the Christmas and New Years’ holidays celebrated almost everywhere that Caribbean people live in large numbers. Many of us are looking forward to these holidays, either because of the opportunity to connect with family or because we will get some well needed rest. For one group of people it may mean something completely different – we’re talking about caregivers of the elderly.

You are a caregiver if you care for another person either on a paid or voluntary basis. The needs of the elderly don’t take a holiday and perhaps you can’t either. In fact it may be necessary to give paid caregivers time off and that means that unpaid caregivers must take up the slack. It can be difficult and it can be lonely work especially if the elderly person needs a lot of care. It may even lead to depression in the caregiver.

If you will be a caregiver in this holiday period you have some time to manage the upcoming holidays. First, don’t just assume that you have to care for the older person all by yourself. Ask for help! Many of us feel that people should volunteer but they seldom do, especially if we seem to be coping. So, you take the step and don’t be vague or subtle. Say for example – “I need to go shopping on Saturday – who can come and stay with Mama?” rather than “I can’t believe that you all are going to leave me alone to take care of Mama!”. The latter sounds whiney and vague, and people may not know how to respond. The former gives them a clear indication of what and when you want it. Fact -the tone of voice you use is important too – people respond more to body language and tone of voice than they do to the actual words. So be firm in asking – assume that someone will be coming to stay on Saturday rather than a timid “I know I’m asking a lot and you probably can’t do it but please try” voice.

Secondly, if your regular paid caregiver has to take time off then look for some help and introduce them gradually before the holidays. Of course you will be nervous leaving Mama or Auntie with a stranger so don’t let them be a stranger. Get to know them and see the interaction between themselves and your loved in a more relaxed setting. If you’re going to be out of the house then this gives you time to show them around rather than giving information in a rush.

Thirdly, if you cannot get help then don’t be a martyr. Maybe friends and relatives can come to spend some time with you. Many people may not know your situation but if you open up they may be only too willing to drop by, bring a meal or sit and have a glass of wine with you. You deserve some care too so don’t be afraid to ask for it. Link with family or friends by telephone or computer. Plan to do something for you as well. Don’t spend the entire time watching holiday movies – stock up on books or magazines that you’ve wanted to read, start a project that you’ve been meaning to try, haul out the sewing machine. In other words – do something specific that you enjoy rather than just sitting around watching the hours tick by in between caring for the senior. If the senior is able, then this is also a great time to capture their memories on tape as a legacy for others.

Don’t be a Martha either. Martha was a woman in the bible who was losing out on the moment because she was so focused on what her sister was not doing. First, as we said ask for the help that you want. Secondly, don’t waste time looking with envy at other’s situations. Those Hallmark moments are mostly fiction and in fact most people are not having a perfect time. Indeed many may envy you for not having to deal with some of their situations and drama! In your situation what is the good? Find it and then praise it! Caregiving is honourable work that is as old as time and those who do it will be blessed if not now, later. What are you learning from this season in your life and how can you use it for yourself and others? The answer may be your blessing!

Next time we’ll talk about caring for other caregivers

Happy Holidays! Not always for Seniors and here’s how YOU can help

This is the time of year when everyone is wishing everyone else “Happy Holidays”. There’s a buzz as people decorate their homes, buy gifts, attend parties and plan family events. While you do all of that, spare a moment for the seniors in your life, because the holidays aren’t always so happy for them.

As they get older it is inevitable that seniors will lose more and more of their friends, and many will lose close relatives or a spouse. Some may even lose a child. For these seniors, the holidays are a sad reminder of what they have lost and can never have again. I remember hearing the sadness in my own father’s voice when he told my sister and myself the year my mother died, that it was the first Christmas in decades that he didn’t have to think about what to buy our mother as a Christmas present. We realized that this ritual had vanished and that Christmas would never be the same for him. For seniors, family dinners without a brother or a favourite cousin are sad, not only because these relatives are missed, but because they remind the senior of his or her own mortality.

So, what can you do?

1. Acknowledge the loss. Many of us are afraid to mention the name of a loved one, but not mentioning it may make you seem uncaring and the senior may ask himself “Will I be forgotten so quickly?”. You don’t have to dwell on it – a simple statement like “I miss Uncle Cyril at this time of year”, or a toast to Cousin Eddie at the dinner table is an opening that the senior can take up or leave hanging. Let their response be your guide. If they want to talk about it they will and you should be ready with a listening ear. If they don’t want to talk about it, there is no reason to pressure them – the invitation to talk has been given. You could also offer to take them to the cemetery or ask if there is something special that they want to do to honour the loved one such as donate flowers for the church in their name.

2. Include them in your activities if you can. When a senior loses a spouse they lose all of the little rituals that they used to do together around the holidays and it can be a very lonely and sad time. You can never replace all of those activities but try to include them in your own routine so that they don’t just sit at home alone brooding on their loss. Again, you should not pressure them but create an opportunity through a simple invitation. For example, a husband and wife may have had a ritual of going to midnight service on Christmas Eve. You could offer – “Mom would you like to come to church with us this year or would you like one of us to take you to midnight service?”

3. Plan how you spend time with them. I have seen several seniors tagging along with younger family members on shopping trips. The seniors are clearly exhausted and not having fun but they don’t want to spoil the fun for everyone else, so they try to grin and bear it. As family members, we do need to be more sensitive – your mom at 75 is not your mom at 60 so don’t expect her to enjoy a six hour shopping trip to a crowded shopping mall. You may need to plan a special shopping trip for her that is shorter and less chaotic. It’s the same thing with parties and events. Rather than having dad try to sit up and be sociable from midday to ten o’clock at night at a family event, pick him up later and take him back home a bit earlier. He will probably enjoy it more.

4. Deliberately involve them. Seniors are a living history book and the holidays are a wonderful opportunity for them to share with the rest of the family about their history. Ask your mother what they used to do for Christmas when she was a child for example. Seniors will feel honoured that you want to hear from them and others may learn valuable life lessons. Even if you have heard the stories a hundred times before, try to get some new insights by asking questions as they speak. You may even want to videotape some of what they say for posterity.

5. Be observant and ready to act. I recently read that holidays are particularly hard on seniors and that in fact there are more suicides in this group due to depression than in any other age group. Symptoms of depression might include, but not be limited to sleep changes, dietary changes, excessive crying and lack of interest in things that were once enjoyable. Also look around for signs of alcohol or drug abuse as some seniors may attempt to self-medicate to heal the pain that they are feeling. If you note these changes don’t delay in seeking professional help. Many of us don’t want to interfere or over react but if you saw your mother with an open gaping wound wouldn’t you take immediate action? You wouldn’t wait around to see if it got any worse! This is the same thing except that the ‘wound’ is not a physical one. But it still hurts as much and is equally dangerous.

What about those who don’t live near loved ones? Try to act before the holidays to make sure that they won’t be lonely for the holidays. Reach out to other family members and friends who might invite them over or visit them. If that is not possible then do some research and try to find out about events that they can attend and go ahead and make reservations or buy tickets. Don’t forget to make arrangements for transportation too. Many seniors won’t want to disappoint you and will go if they know that you have already paid. Of course make sure that it is an event that they will enjoy based on their tastes and interests. The best thing that you can do however is to reach out often. Perhaps in addition to one big family call from overseas or out of town you can arrange for family members to call individually at different times so that the senior feels the love and concern several times.

Those of us who don’t have any seniors in our lives can still reach out by visiting a home for the elderly with a little gift and most importantly your presence. Many seniors don’t have any visitors and would appreciate a visit.

The holiday season can be a difficult time for some of us, but with a bit of thought, care and proactive planning, you can do your part to make it an enjoyable holiday season for all.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!