Elder Abuse – A Real Threat

The US based Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that hundreds of thousands of elderly Americans are abused annually and the problem is so serious that an Elder Abuse Day has been declared in that country. Within the past week I have heard three horrifying stories of elder abuse – one in China, one in the US and one in Jamaica. In the China case an elderly woman had to sue her relatives in order to get them to care for her. The US case is horrific – a woman with a broken femur left to suffer in unbelievable pain for months until her screams finally drove the family to seek care, and the Jamaican one – a man left almost helpless in a backroom infested by insects. These are likely to be the tip of the iceberg and we cannot imagine how many undiscovered cases exist.

In the Caribbean our small size means that we often live closer to our parents and grandparents but it’s also true that many families are separated because of migration. The family system is also not as robust as it once was and demands of jobs and family may mean less attention and time for seniors. Add to that the fact that people are living longer and often beyond their finances and you can see that some seniors are in vulnerable situations and open to abuse.

Abuse isn’t always physical. In fact the CDC says that there are six types of elder abuse – physical, sexual, emotional, neglect, abandonment and financial abuse. The elderly may be abused by the very people on whom they depend for daily care and therefore many are afraid to speak out and tell someone of the abuse. It may be perpetuated by family members (including spouses) who appear loving to others and elder abuse can occur anywhere including expensive nursing homes so there really are no guarantees. It may occur because of stress with burnt out caregivers or because people are just unscrupulous and taking advantage of a weaker person. Whatever the cause it is unacceptable.

The best defense against elder abuse is the loving care and attention of at least one other person who is observant to the signs. Signs include:

– Bruises, pressure marks, broken bones and burns
– Unexplained withdrawal from normal activities, depression, change in alertness
– Sudden changes in financial situations
– Frequent arguments between the elderly person and the caregiver
– Humiliation and ridicule of the elderly person or scapegoating and blaming
– Ignoring or isolating the elderly person
– Charges for health care that do not appear to be provided
– Over or under medicating

There are many other signs which you should familiarize yourself with if you have any reason to be concerned about an elderly person that you know. This site is a good place to start – http://www.helpguide.org/mental/elder_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

If you suspect elder abuse you must act. Asking the elderly person may or may not be helpful because many are afraid to speak or may be conflicted about reporting abuse by a relative to someone. Do some investigation to verify your suspicions. For example roll up a sleeve to check for bruises if you suspect physical abuse and watch carefully when the elderly person is being moved or is moving to see if there is pain. Pay attention to the dynamics between the caregiver and the elderly person paying particular attention to body language. Question financial irregularities and don’t be satisfied with pat responses. Don’t just settle for visiting an elderly person in a shared area or verandah, take a look at their bedroom. Ask trusted family members or friends to observe and give their opinion.

It will probably be necessary to remove the elderly person from the care of the caregiver and in many cases to make a formal report to the authorities. You should definitely do the latter in the case of an institution that has care for other seniors – don’t settle for just safeguarding your senior. Others need protection as well.

It has been said that we judge societies by the care that they give to their most vulnerable and that includes the elderly. After giving a lifetime of service to others many of them will need others to help them. It’s not a job that we can or should turn down.

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Retirement – Not all Peaches and Cream but here’s how to make it sweeter

Of course you know about retirement but what does it feel like? Knowing what to expect for you or a loved one can help to successfully navigate this stage of life. Experts suggest that there are three phases involved in retirement – pre-retirement, retirement and post-retirement. Each one brings its own challenges and opportunities.

Pre-retirement – When retirement is far we don’t pay a lot of attention to it or plan for it. As it becomes nearer however we move to actively planning for retirement. Good planning can make the transition to retirement easier.

Retirement– The actual departure from the workforce and

Post-retirement – Often starts with the honeymoon which is just as it sounds a blissful period of excitement and expectation unless the retirement was undesired or unplanned. In that case this period may begin with frustration and anger (kind of like a shotgun marriage!). The honeymoon stage is often followed by disenchantment as the retiree faces the reality of diminished income, health concerns or other issues. At this stage the retiree may feel disappointed, let down or even angry. It may be followed by the reorientation stage during which the retiree comes to terms with this new stage of life and re-evaluates the opportunities that exist. This may be followed by a period of stability where long term goals are achieved with contentment. The final stage called terminal ends retirement one way or the other. In happy cases the retiree may be in a position to choose to re-enter the workforce but sadly some retirees may enter a period of illness, disability or depression.

We’ve looked at cycles before and you know that they are only indicative and people will chart their own path depending on their situation. personality and so on. They are useful in helping us to understand what may be going on with a loved one. I remember a relative of mine changing quite a bit once he finally retired. For the first time in over fifty years he didn’t have a job that he had to be at and he wasn’t prepared for it. Neither were his relatives and frankly we didn’t know what to do. We veered between encouraging him to volunteer with various causes and getting upset with him when he didn’t. Eventually we just gave up. Looking at the cycle now I realize that we could have predicted the shock of retirement and started planning at an earlier stage rather than waiting until he retired to say ‘Now what?’. We could also have seen it for a phase that he had to go through and empathize with him as he worked his way through the emotions and be ready to help him when he was ready to move onto the next stage.

I’ve also seen retirees go through the honeymoon phase and quite frankly overdo it. They take extended trips overseas, fix up the house, take up expensive hobbies without adequate recognition of their new situation which probably involves a smaller income. Families are relieved that parents and grandparents are handling the retirement so well and are blindsided when the disenchantment period arrives and reality sets in. Planning ahead for the expenses and income of retirement could have helped the retiring person to make better and more realistic choices. Travel yes – but perhaps one trip rather than three for example. Realize that sleeping in everyday will be pleasant after a lifetime of alarm clocks but not having anything to do will make time crawl and retirement boring and unpleasant. Again planning by having a life outside of work would make the transition easier and may even eliminate the disenchantment stage.

If you’re facing retirement in the next decade or so then of course this is a wake up call to plan for retirement and to expect that it will have its ups and downs. Plan to enjoy the ups and know that the downs can be temporary. If you know someone who is retired and going through a difficult time you can be better equipped to assist them. Don’t be shocked if the honeymoon phase is followed by disenchantment. Expect that disenchantment is more likely if the retiree is experiencing poor health or has lost someone they love and have a shoulder ready to lean on. Try to provide information and support to help them to the next stage of reorientation but remember everyone will move at their own pace. Above all, be there with love, support and understanding.

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Is it ever too late?

Every now and then you will see something in the newspaper or on social media about someone in their 90s graduating from college with a degree that they always wanted, competing in a marathon or recently an 85 year old German gymnast with amazing skills These examples are all very inspiring and remind us that you are as old as you feel. That is certainly true. At the same time however there may be some things that you should be cautious about as you get older.

One of these is taking big risks with your finances. Almost every financial planner will tell you that you take financial risks when you are younger and reduce the risk taking as you get older. If you haven’t planned effectively however you may be tempted to take risks to accumulate the funds that you know that you will need for your retirement. In fact this is why scammers do so well with seniors – The lure of getting a lot of money with a limited investment is too good to pass up. It’s the same with so-called pyramid schemes that promise fantastic returns with unbelievable interest rates. These schemes are almost never legitimate however even if there are some people who have benefitted from them in the early stages.

Rule of thumb – if it seems too good to be true it almost always is. The best bet is to start retirement planning early to avoid having to play catch up. If you haven’t done a good job with the planning and are worried about retirement then visit a financial planner associated with a legitimate financial institution and be guided by their advice. You should also follow the other strategies discussed previously in this blog such as trying to increase earnings or cutting expenses.

Following certain financial dreams may also not be a good idea as you approach or are beyond retirement. My friend’s dad had long had a dream of developing some land that he owned. For various reasons the dream kept getting pushed back and he did not start the development until he was in his mid 70s. With a rocky global economy he has now invested a large chunk of his retirement funds into a scheme that may not pay dividends for several years. While it was a dream that he had for many years it probably would have been wise if he had not pursued it at such a late stage in life. Again he could have benefitted from meeting with a qualified financial advisor who could have helped him work out the length of time required to recoup his investment and the impact that that would have on his financial health.

The keys to making good decisions in your senior years would include but not be limited to:

1. Consulting and following the advice of a good financial planner

2. Taking the time to make good decisions. Don’t be pressured into making quick decisions because of deals that will only last for a short period of time. If they are that good they will be around tomorrow

3. Talking to family members and friends who have your best interests at heart

4. Letting your head rule your heart when it comes to fulfilling your dreams. Many people may think about how they will feel when the dream is accomplished but this should be balanced with a realistic assessment of achieving the dream.

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Fighting Ageism

Does your workplace discriminate? In answering the question you might immediately think of discrimination based on race, ethnicity and even gender. These types of discrimination exist and are readily discussed but less attention is paid to discrimination based on age. It’s a real problem though – particularly for those who lose a job in their forties and fifties and have to search for a new one. In fact both men and women in the US admit to having Botox and surgical treatments to make them look a bit younger for the job market.

According to the American EEOC age discrimination is described as treating someone less favourably because of age. What are some of the indications of age discrimination?
– Specific mention of age preferences in recruitment and selection. There are a few exceptions but most jobs do not require that job holders be under a particular age.
– Promotions and job assignments denied on the basis of age.
– Harassment based on age. This would include jokes and negative remarks about age

From the research that I have done it seems that age discrimination, like other types of discrimination can be difficult to prove. Who is to say for example whether you lost the promotion based on age or not? Unless people are careless enough to make damaging remarks it can be impossible to prove. Therefore while the onus should be on your employer to not discriminate, in reality it is up to you to try to limit the likelihood that you will become the victim of age discrimination. While you can’t change your chronological change you can defy some of the stereotypes associated with age and the reasons that employers are wary of older employees. Forbes published a list of issues associated with older employees that I found interesting:

1. Rigid and stuck in their ways.
2. Poor or failing health. Medical issues impact attendance and productivity.
3. Afraid of new technologies.
4. Slower to learn new concepts. Slow to change.
5. Years of highly developed opinions; unwillingness to hear new ideas.
6. Expensive. They demand higher wages.
7. Poor investment because they won’t be staying with the company for long enough to get a return on investment with their training.
8. Physically slow moving. Low energy. Unable to sustain long hours if required.
9. Risk averse
Source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/moneywisewomen/2011/03/02/age-discrimination-in-the-workplace-is-it-ageism-or-your-attitude/

The beauty of this list is that they are not necessarily true of all older people and you can try to make sure that they are not true of you. Let’s take number 1 for example. Are you always resisting change? How about number 9 – are you unwilling to try anything that you haven’t tried before? What about number 8 – are you always begging off physically challenging assignments or proclaiming exhaustion? If your behavior matches the concerns that employers have about older workers not only are you a likely target for discrimination, but you are probably shaping the opinion that your employer will have of other older workers.

So it’s time to get with the programme. Every workplace is changing and risk is inevitable so you will have to convince your employer that you are adding and not subtracting value. Change and risk can be scary for everyone but being scared doesn’t mean that you have to avoid them. Our fear of change is really a fear about losing control so try to minimize that loss by being proactive. For example I’m an educator and I’ve seen the technology and methods in our classrooms change dramatically since I’ve entered the field. Today the concept of a classroom no longer even means a physical space thanks to information technology and distance learning. Clinging to the old way of doing things may be comforting to me but I’d rather be a little uncomfortable than be left behind the change. I hope that you’ll think that way too!

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