Dealing with a Hoarder

In our consumer driven age hoarding is major problem – so much so that there are television reality shows developed to showcase the habit. It can happen at any age but our interest in this case is with the elderly hoarder. According to the Mayo Clinic hoarding is the excessive collection of items along with the inability to discard them. We’re not just talking about having too much stuff. We’re talking about when it begins to impair everyday living. Some people may be reduced to living in a cramped space because their hoard takes up so much space. Hoarding can also be dangerous if it impairs mobility or creates a fire or health hazard.

In some cases hoarding may be a sign of some mental impairment and it may be a sign that the person needs medical attention. This is particularly the case if there is a behaviour change. Getting the medical treatment may alleviate the problem. In other cases hoarding may not be medically related but may be part of a regular behavioural pattern. Naturally as the person ages and the behaviour continues there will be even more stuff for them to hoard hence the cause for concern. Hoarding may also emerge as a result of a stressful event such as the loss of a loved one.

The Mayo clinic gives a long list of symptoms which I urge you to look at if you think that you may be dealing with a senior who is a hoarder. These include cluttered living spaces, inability to discard items, acquiring unnecessary or unneeded items and excessive attachment to possessions. For more read http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hoarding/DS00966/DSECTION=symptoms.

If you are dealing with a hoarder how can you help? First realize that this may be a condition that requires medical intervention so check with your medical practitioner for help. The Mayo clinic has some very helpful advice about preparing yourself for this appointment. They suggest that you should write down the symptoms being experienced or displayed, write down key personal information including traumatic events, make a list of medical conditions. If medical treatment is appropriate then the treatment may include psychotherapy or medication. Many of us shy away from this step and we do make our life harder. Medical practitioners are trained to deal with these difficult situations and most of us are not so it makes sense to work with them.

If you decide that you want to try your own intervention first then prepare yourself for what may be a challenging situation. Some general principles are:
– Show empathy – This means trying to listen from the other person’s perspective. You do not have to agree with what they say. If its your grandmother for example, try to understand that holding onto the magazines that grandpa used to read makes her feel connected to him even though he is no longer around.
– Don’t argue – You can’t win!
– Help the person to realize that their actions are not consistent with their greater goals – Perhaps you could steer Grandma to a way in which she could keep Grandpa’s memory alive. She could for example donate to a charity in his name, name a pew at the church after him and make sure to sit there and so on. She could even sell some of the items and use them to donate to a charity that Grandpa supported. You’re not arguing but making a suggestion that may help her to make better choices.

Source – http://www.harthosp.org/InstituteOfLiving/AnxietyDisordersCenter/CompulsiveHoarding/default.aspx#LovedOnes . You will find other helpful resources there as well.

Remember hoarding may be a symptom of a medical condition and that the person is not just doing it because they are nasty or being difficult. Their behaviour may make perfect sense from their perspective. You may find that you have to intervene if the hoarding is creating an unsafe environment. In this case be very careful however in discarding anything that belongs to the person because what may seem like trash to you may be loaded with significance to them. Be prepared to take it slowly and to make concessions. Be prepared for emotional responses and even accusations but remember that it may be part of a medical condition and try not to take it personally. Now is also the time to draw on your wider network and look for friends and family who can assist you in encouraging the senior to part with at least some of the items. Thinking of this as a medical condition may make it easier for you to show empathy and to cope with the situation.

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Diversifying your Income Streams

I’ve used this blog to encourage readers to prepare financially for their retirement. It’s a subject close to my heart as I’ve seen too many older relatives and friends struggle financially. I know how hard they’ve worked in the past and it is painful to see their stress in their senior years. Sometimes it is even dangerous- a senior once asked me to fill a prescription for her and then proceeded to pick and choose what she could afford to buy this month. Of course she needed them all so that was courting disaster. I paid for the balance and told her to let me know anytime she needed help but would she? Probably not because she was too proud to ask or ‘beg’ as she would have thought of it.

So now we know why we must save but how? Wages are frozen for many of us, prices are soaring and expenses are heading north. So with that in mind I seized upon a little column in my newspaper that listed general forms of income. Take a look and see how many of them you are utilizing:


– Pay cheque
– Rental income
– Interest from loans
– Royalties
– Selling assets
– Interest from investments
– Dividends
– Professional fees

Quite a list right? Looking at that list opens up all kinds of possibilities? Just a couple of examples:

– Do you have a rental property? Are you maximizing the rent that you can get from it? For example perhaps a small investment in that property might mean that you could earn more from it. If you don’t have rental income – could you? Many of us have space that we are no longer using and could rent out. Yes, we don’t like strangers under our feet but is the temporary inconvenience that brings in additional income something worth considering? Perhaps instead of throwing out the idea entirely we could focus on getting the RIGHT strangers in our space. I am thinking of a widow I know who finally rented out a space and found herself quite thrilled at having a bright young person (and his friends) in her life. Rather than being a burden it was a joy and she earned from it as well.

– Selling assets – For the past few years I have been seeing signs for ‘cash for gold’. In my mind I have envisioned elderly heiresses parting with some of the family jewels. That was until I had an interesting conversation with a colleague who mentioned that she had earned a tidy little sum by going through her jewelry box and finding rings without a stone, earrings that had lost a partner and so on. Her investment of a very little time earned her some money that she could now invest (and no she wasn’t a rich heiress – just an everyday person like you and I)

– Professional fees – Do people always come to you for advice and help in your area of expertise? Can you make money from it then? I’m not talking about starting to charge relatives for talking to them but if you see that your advice has helped friends or family to turn around a business, solve a problem, master a subject then consider whether you could help others do the same and earn some money doing it. Perhaps a small investment may be required to get professional credentials but it may be worth it. This is a potential win-win so give it some thought.

One of my favourite speakers reminds us that when God sent Adam into the garden he gave him four different streams. By increasing our revenue streams we become less dependent on one stream and have greater freedom. I’m off to think of some more income streams and I hope that you will do the same.

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A Job that you Love

Those of us in the sandwich generation are slap bang between two paradigms. The boomers were intensely loyal to organizations and generally stayed in one place unless they had to move. Those in their twenties and thirties are more loyal to their career goals than to a particular organization and many will move in a heartbeat to follow an interesting career goal. Those of us in the middle are less loyal to a particular organization but are not quite as mobile as the younger generation. We are not necessarily wired to consider whether a job brings us all of the happiness and fulfilment that we are looking for.

I happen to love my job but unfortunately the same is not true for many people. Many of us end up in jobs by default and we may never leave those jobs even if we don’t enjoy them. The longer we stay the more difficult it becomes to entangle ourselves. Or we might worry about what others might think if we leave what seems to be a perfectly good job. Of course there are also the financial considerations involved in leaving a job. On the other hand while changing jobs too often used to be frowned upon it’s now quite acceptable to change jobs to find the perfect fit. But what’s the fit? I came across a great set of questions that can help you to come up with your own answers:

1. What is your definition of meaningful work? – Meaningful work is work that has purpose and fulfilment for you. It’s often those times when you are most joyous at work
2. How closely does your current work align with your definition of meaningful work?
3. What’s going well at this moment? Think about those aspects of your life that are going well – personal and professional. The idea is that gratitude is a prerequisite for making positive changes
4. What changes do you want and need to make?
5. Are you ready for the journey?
Source: http://workreimagined.aarp.org/manage-your-career/5-key-questions-for-career-changers/?Outbrain=obinsite

The answer to these questions may lead some of us to make drastic career changes while others of us may probably just need to make a few tweaks to what we’re doing. We may choose to move from doing work in the private sector to doing the same work for an NGO for example. In other situations it might mean reorganizing our work responsibilities so that we do more of what is meaningful and less of what is not. For example those of us who have some seniority may find that we want to spend more time mentoring and developing others and that will mean making some changes to our core responsibilities. Others of us may want to make a lateral move in our organizations so that we can work at what excites us and to just what we are good at. Still others of us may take the leap into running our own businesses.

Making these changes can be quite challenging and it is important to anticipate confusion, anxiety and doubt. Roman Krzanric gives this piece of advice to those of us who are considering making a career change: Ask successful career changers how to overcome the fear and most say the same thing: in the end you have to stop thinking and just do it. That may be why nearly all cultures have recognised that to live a meaningful and vibrant existence, we need to take some chances—or else we might end up looking back on our lives with regret (http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_tips_for_making_the_leap_to_meaningful_work)

Couldn’t have said it better myself!

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